My Review of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within"

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=110 BGCOLOR="#999933" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="03e006e0ddwnfv.png"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>eggordivad's super de-duper fun fest to the extreme 2001 XL party extravaganza</B></FONT><B>     |     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="eggordivads super deduper fun fest to th"><U><B>home</B></U></A></div> <div> back to<B>  </B><A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Fab Writings"><U><B>Fab Writings</B></U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=160 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" background="046a0c00esnpes.png"> <div> <A HREF="id88.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Tribute to Lil Kim "><U>A Tribute to Lil Kim </U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id89.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Maybe Shes Born With It"><U>Maybe She's Born With It</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id104.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Rapify"><U>"Rapify"</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id106.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Review of Pearl Harbor"><U>My Review of "Pearl Harbor"</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id114.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A word about A.I."><U>A word about A.I.</U></A></div> <div> <B>My Review of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within"</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id119.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ninth grade celebration photos!"><U>Ninth grade celebration photos!</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id160.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Review of Harry Potter and the Sorcer"><U>My Review of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id164.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Happy Valentines Day"><U>Happy Valentine's Day</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=370 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>My Review of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within"</B></div> <div> I'm going to review this like I would a video game, because that's exactly what it is.</div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="2fd41410.jpg" border=0 width="65" height="65" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Visuals - "Oh, god... ergh... aw jeez, ew....."</B></div> <div> You know, despite all the hype, the visuals are still not up there where I had expected them to be. They were still undeniably beautiful (and definitely enough to induce the title of this particular section.... heh heh heh), and although I got <I>photo</I>realistic visuals they promised, I didn't quite get the <I>motion</I>realistic visuals I thought was part of the package deal. A few of the movements were pretty robotic and didn't seem natural. At one point, The Female Who Is Not Like The Other Girls Because She Can Kick Ass Like The Men But Is A Softie Inside (a.k.a. Jane Proudfoot) was saying something in the dropship thing but her mouth wasn't moving at all. Another thing I noticed is that everyone seemed to be smiling.</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="2ea2ce10.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="225" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="15" VSPACE="15">Some of the faces belied the personalities underneath so blatantly that it removed any sort of subtlety that could bring the video-game movie out of the rut it's always been in. The villain has eyebrows that point severely down to his nose and has a sharp chin that juts out to Pluto, therefore he is evil. The hero has a large, square jaw, is built like some guy on a romance novel cover, and has big friendly features (I bet you didn't even think of <I>that </I>joke, but don't anyway), therefore he is good. The heroine really has no features that distinguish her from anyone else, so.... you get the idea.</div> <bR> <div> But I liked the visuals! I've just been pointing out my complaints and not what I loved. The landscapes were perfectly realized, from New York City (every post-apocalyptic sci-fi movie has to include it somehow), to the Tuscon wasteland, and to Aki's surreal dreamscape. The aliens were really gooey and creepy yet had a smooth and graceful quality to them and the absolutely massive Phantoms were simply amazing to watch. I really liked the special effects like the smoke and fire, too. Dr. Sid was quite the sight to see - he was definitely the most realistic looking one in the bunch. Even Aki's hair, especially during the kissing scene in space near the end - sorry to spoil it, but I bet you'll know it right when you see Gray and Aki having their I-Hate-You-So-Much-We-Must-Be-In-Love scene - moved gracefully and realistically, with individual strands reacting to each other and moving accordingly.</div> <bR> <div> Visuals score: <B>8.5</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Audio - "I always thought that New York was the City That Never Sleeps...?"</B></div> <div> Maybe the filmmakers thought that since they'd put so much into the visuals, people wouldn't notice if they slacked on the audio front. They were wrong. Some of it is great, some of it is awful, but most of it is just in-between. The result is an average, not-good-but-definitely-not-bad sound experience that you'll just sort of forget five minutes after the movie is over. It's all very...... ehhhh.</div> <bR> <div> <IMG SRC="2ee2ce10.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="225" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="10" VSPACE="10"></div> <div> Some high points: Subtle noises and Phantom sound effects. The low moans and high screeches of the Phantoms in the Tuscon desert were almost awe-inspiring, and at one point I even got goosebumps. I liked the creepy ringing noises they made when they rose up through the floor as they invaded the complex near the end. I also enjoyed the little sound effects <I>everything</I> made when an object hit, touched, brushed, scraped, or activated another object. The small and subtle noises were the best ones.</div> <bR> <div> Low points: For a city that reportedly has some of the worst traffic and the highest population of any city in the US, I never heard more than four people exchanging dialogue at once, and there never was the sound of a large crowd, which there should be in a big city. Where was everyone? Asleep? It was all kind of deserted. In fact, the only time more than five people were onscreen at once was when people were dying or on fire for split second shots. Another point: Did the director allow the actors to read the script only once before ordering them to step up to the microphone and crap forth the dialogue in a drunken stupor? Because that's what it sounded like. With the exception of Dr. Sid, these voice actors sucked balls to high heaven. Well, and <I>maybe </I>with<I> </I>the exception of Aki. But just barely.</div> <bR> <div> Audio score: <B>5.0</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Plot / Characters / Dialogue - "Oy! Where's the cream filling?"</B></div> <div> This storyline would have worked very well in a video game. It goes like this: Dr. Ross and Dr. Sid are scientists in a world overrun by an alien race called Phantoms. The scientists, who believe in Gaia, Earth's spirit, are collecting eight smaller spirits to create a wavelength that will counteract the Phantoms. Very video game, but that's okay. Meanwhile, evil General Hein (chin and eyebrows guy) wants to just obliterate the Phantom nest with a giant space laser that will drive the Phantoms deep into the earth and nullify the threat, but will destroy Gaia in the process. The go<IMG SRC="2f82ce10.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="225" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="15" VSPACE="15">vernment, which doesn't believe in Gaia, is backing Hein so Ross and Sid have to find the eight spirits Against All Odds Before It's Too Late. A pretty good idea, but one that you can't really spread over two hours without adding some complexity to it, which these first-time screenwriters (and a director that should have with stayed with video games) don't do. This plot had a <I>lot </I>of potential. It could have been a great race against time.</div> <bR> <div> There is nothing subtle, deep, or really interesting about these characters. The villain, whose face screams,"Oo! Kill me, I'm a Nazi! Oo!", has a vendetta against the Phantoms, goes too far in his efforts to repay it, and ends up endangering the lives of those around him. Now - although very cliched - this might sound okay just as a character description, but it is the fault of the screenwriters that this idea limps onscreen, drooling and defecating all over itself, looking around and laughing stupidly, and finally collapsing in a heap when its malformed knees give out in a firey explosion. You can't just flat-out tell this backstory to the audience and expect them to feel some emotion toward that character. You have to go and flesh it out, and maybe even try to make us feel <I>something</I> about him before you blow him up. It's the same with Captain Gray and Aki Ross. Their faces and body types have already given away the character profile they're supposed to fill. That's a big problem with the movie: It spoon-feeds you the very simple plot and character elements which don't really succeed on any major level. Again, the exception is Dr. Sid - it was in his scenes and his scenes alone that I forgot I was watching a computer generated movie for a moment, which is actually because of how great he looked and the quality of his voice acting, not because of how well he was written.</div> <bR> <div> The dialogue is very..... functional. Barely any of it really stood out, except when it was awful. Part of it was the delivery of the actors, but still, take this example: the Wacky And Nerdy Yet Endearing Steve Buscemi character is repairing a broken panel outside the getaway ship, with Phantoms crawling all around, threatening to suck out his soul at any moment. Butch Babe (Proudfoot) is standing guard with a big gun. He's repairing the panel, talking rapidly, ranting and raving about this and that, only half his mind on what he's doing (Butch Babe is silent), when all of a sudden the panel sprays sparks in his face, and he yells, "Would you quit talking so much? I'm trying to work, here!". Ha ha ha, yuk yuk yuk. I peed on the screen to voice my objection. However, by no means was <I>all</I> the dialogue in the movie awful, some of it was tightly written and well delivered. But that was about 5% of the time, when it wasn't just barked orders.</div> <bR> <div> Meat 'n' P'taters Score: <B>3.5</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Overall - "But..."</B><IMG SRC="2f42ce10.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="225" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="10" VSPACE="10"></div> <div> I'm pretty sure my review was horribly misleading. You probably think that I hated this movie, that I'd like it to rot with Battlefield Earth or something. I don't. Parts of it were absolutely golden, in fact. Dr. Sid was a stunning piece of software, and Donald Sutherland, who played him, seemed to take his voice acting part the most seriously. As a result, he was the most believeable. The animation was absolutely stunning - obviously - and it's definitely a landmark achievement. And there were some really great action scenes, too. It's just that if this movie were live action, it would <I>not</I> stand on its own merits. Not even a little bit. The story (which had so much unused potential it's frustrating) needed to be expanded upon, and the characters were just flat and factory-made. I'm hoping that the sequel is written and directed by someone else, because these guys haven't shown excellence as filmmakers. Maybe next time will be better.</div> <bR> <div> BOTTOM LINE: Oh, well. </div> <bR> <div> FINAL GRADE: <B>C+</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Gagna the Galactogen's Reaction to the Film:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="2ef52d20.jpg" border=0 width="594" height="466" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> There you have it folks - Gagna never lies.</div> </td> </tr></table></body>